COMPANY! The attention-seeking imposters! The genuine! The hypocrites! The warm-hearted! The cold-hearted! The generous! The miserable! Where did these people come from, and why are they here? Why do I feel suffocated in my own home? I just wanted to feel free again. I never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I was in a house full of people but still felt alone. I just needed my best friend, my dad!
The disgust. The hatred. The annoyance. The disappointment. The mixed emotions started to build up.
“Why are you even here?”
“Where were you when my dad was alive?”
“Do I even know you?”
“Why give my dad his flowers now?”
“Are your intentions even pure?”
The constant questions replayed in my head when the imposters and hypocrites would approach. My body just went numb all over again. I couldn’t believe this was now my reality. I suddenly felt the heaviness of my red bloodshot eyes; the tears were about to start. The intense sharp pain in my head then hit me out of nowhere. I placed both of my hands on my head instantly. I could feel my stomach getting weaker and weaker, so I grabbed my stomach with one hand. I was now standing in a room full of people with one hand on my head and the other on my stomach. My anxiety and emotions were starting to take over once again. I abruptly ran into a room where I couldn’t be bothered. I refused to shed a tear in front of the company. At that moment, I felt I was better off dead than alive.
The knocks on the door began. The shouting of my name traveled through the thick walls. The unwanted entries then proceeded.
“Why can’t I just be left alone?” As I thought to myself, I got up quickly and said, “I’m okay” and then shut the door. I suddenly laid down on the floor and stared at the white popcorn ceiling for moments. As I laid on the floor, helplessly, memories from the previous day would start to replay all over again. The phone call. The nightmare. The voicemail. It would not stop, and I didn’t know how to make it stop. Then, I would hear the company on the other side of the wall. The fake love. The fake laughter. The fake condolences. THE IMPOSTERS. It made me sick to my stomach constantly hearing them and seeing the memories replay in my head.
“I fell Myra, so I’m just resting on the steps.”
The black t-shirt. The pajama bottoms. The white socks. The table. The room.
My dad’s body.
“Myra, daddy alright. Love you, talk to you later.”
The confusion. The frustration. The pain.
The tears started to roll down the side of my cold plump cheeks rapidly.
Then suddenly, a soft knock began, and then I heard the whisper of my name. The voice was so soothing and gentle. I got up quickly and opened the door. This company was genuine. I quickly let them in and was immediately comforted. No words were said at all, just tears and comfort. Exactly what I needed at that moment for the memories to quit replaying in my head. Then suddenly, the talking began.
“What are you going to do about school?" was whispered. “School? Schoooool? Who in their right mind would be thinking about school right now? Are you serious?” That’s what I wanted to say, but I knew school was something I would have to face immediately. I was in my junior year, spring semester. That semester changed my life forever. That semester was……TO BE CONTINUED.
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