“Myra, daddy alright. Love you, talk to you later.”
Useless. Hopeless. Dead inside.
As I laid on the bathroom floor, the outburst of screams began.
“DADDY!!!!!”
“DADDY!!! PLEASE WAKE UP!”
“DADDY, I NEED YOU”
“DADDY, YOU ARE NOT ALRIGHT!!”
“DADDY, WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOU’RE ALRIGHT?”
The tears ran abruptly alongside my cheeks. A sharp pain in the left side of my stomach began to move throughout my body. The pain I experienced in my head swiftly turned into a migraine. My whole body just went numb and I couldn’t feel anything. Suddenly, I felt a rush go throughout my entire body. I quickly jumped up and began to slump over the toilet. I started regurgitating. I was sick to my stomach. The tears, the vomit, the tears, the vomit. It was a repeating cycle and it wouldn’t stop. I started to feel like I was dying out. I just wanted my dad back. I needed so badly to hear his voice, so I replayed the voicemail again.
“Myra, daddy alright. Love you, talk to you later.”
“I love you too, daddy”, “I really do”, “Now, please come back”, “You’re alright, you said you’re alright”, as I whispered over and over to myself. TICK! TICK! TICK! It felt like I could hear the sound of the clock again. THUMP! THUMP THUMP! There goes the strong rhythm of my heartbeat again. As I placed my hand over my chest, it felt like my heart was beating out of my chest and eventually going to burst. “SAM!” “SAM!” “WAKE UP!” "CALL 911!” “HE’S NOT RESPONDING”, started to replay in my head.
Suddenly, I realized I was having flashbacks and reliving the moments leading up to when I received my dad’s voicemail. I felt like I was going crazy. Why was this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why did it have to be my dad? The questions and thoughts constantly ran throughout my mind. It just would not stop. I quickly picked my head up off the toilet and leaned my head gently towards the wall. The questions and thoughts stopped abruptly, but the voicemail began to replay in my head over and over.
“Myra, daddy alright. Love you, talk to you later.”
The outburst of screams began again.
“HOW DID I MISS MY DAD’S PHONE CALL?”
“WHY AM I SO DUMB?”
“WHY DIDN’T I ANSWER HIS CALL?”
“I COULD HAVE SAVED MY DAD”
The guilt. The anger. The frustration.
I quickly got up and looked into the mirror. My hair was disheveled as though it wasn’t combed or brushed in days. My eyes were bloodshot red. My face looked so dry and dull. I literally felt like I died but was still alive. I was suffering and was unaware of how to stop it. I didn’t look like the Samyra I once knew. The reflection in the mirror was that of a stranger I had never seen. It was at that moment, I knew, I would never be the same person again. As I drew closer to the mirror, I stared and stared at my reflection. The tears rushed down the side of my dry and dull cheeks and the cycle started all over again.
The tears. The sharp pain in my stomach. The migraine.
Once more, my body went numb all over. The floor appeared to become the safest place for me. That night, I knew sleep was not an option. If I closed my eyes, the nightmare would begin again. If I stayed up, the voicemail would replay in my head, over and over. I never felt so dead inside in my life. I just needed the pain to go away. I wished it was all a dream. As I laid on the floor, I watched the sun rise that morning. That next morning was awful. That next morning my house was filled with…... TO BE CONTINUED.
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